bugger i think i over did it again at work
my usual insistance to manually move .5 to 1 tonne of sand and grit in a morning
as my daily work out ..........back fired this morning this slight back twing (3 times)
arse !!!!.......
note to self
must bend my knees when bending down

well thats me done
im off to leeds for a interesting evening out (back2mine)
should be totally twated by the end of tonight
will give you all a run down
i hope ;)

Well what can i say about this weekend
friday was a down point actually at 1300 hrs till 1400
spending 1 hr in huddersfield police station
ready to be questioned about my little accident of 6 weeks ago
(people how now me will get that bit)
friday night interesting to say the least
cort up with old and new friends and got wasted

saturday went better than planed
meet a new person
went well for the rest of the night and most of the morning
and to be truthful the rest of the weekend

my only problem is now i have said far too much- far too early
tuesday for me stood out like a saw thumb
a childhood flashback came and kicked me in the back of the head from no where

to a certain person who will remain nameless
this is how you should take me

im not mad
bad
maybe sad
nutter
mutliple killer
serial killer
chicken fucker(lol) sorry

i am though
kind
loving
easy going
laid back
and the list goes on

in the begining =

at the age of 18 i was involve in a house fire at home
from that point i had PTSD......(research will be good)
joined the RAF and basicaly tried ever trick under the sun to hurt myself
in the insueing years i have spent my time drinking and doing things i shouldnt have
i've have had about 37 jobs
and to rude about 300+ girlfriends /1night stands

this is not due to been a slag or shag monster far from it
mostly to do with the following problems
in the past ie my childhood is was abuse on certain levels=mental and physical

and in the end i got these little beutys for my troubles
guilt
anxiety
depression
ptsd
and this is the bomb
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

BPD is in a nutshell is untreatable condition its not that im mad
its because im coming to facts about my emotions and feelings about myself

to the person in question this is how it goes

dont think that tuesday night was a cry for help
far from that
ive had to cope with been mostly shitting it myself
in fear of what will or wont happen
the guilt of what happened to my ex
and the feeling of what she did to me for 7 months and then i finally burst
in the end the list does go on and on
this is just a small pierce of the jigsaw

and because its my birthday
mad you say
no !
birthdays for me and to mention christmas are troublesum (other information wont be given but all i can say is that the RAF wasnt all rose's and flying by the seat of your pants and home for crumpets and tea on the lawn)

been sent shit presents and crap cards for both and the disappiontment
and other things on top of the mind games and such like has made these 2 items very shit
you may call me weak or a girl or any number of things to bring me down you cant (haha)
but in the end ive had to work fucking hard to stay alive this long
and after 9 years im getting the help i need
its a 12 month therepy group on a thursday morning
ive been going for i think 7 weeks and its opening my eyes to every thing ive done in the past
good or bad
all i can say is that we've meet at a strange part of my life(fight club)
this may not give you the confidance to see me again or even contact me by txt or carrier pidgeon
but i had no choice you dont like talking on the phone and txt is so well bad for your thumbs
as it says on answer machines (yesterdays txt)

press option 1
press option 2
press option 3

to all my friends how read this and people how come for a look and laugh
how you see it'nt always what you get

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????
/////////???????????????????////////////////////
/////////////////////////////////////////////
blank face
oh yes thats it
i'll keep that memory

well an original post title
would like to thank tony.. matt..kev and the girls for a great weekend
and to the rest of my freinds

and people i think i should know but have forgot their names or
i met you while i was very drunk and stoned last year

infest virgin
yes
never thourght i would met a certain someone their
bloody strange or what
ever had that feeling you and the other peron are the only person their
every thing doesnt
you know what i mean
everything i so in the background
total understanding and things
are ok
i met my new friend and she rocks
its that bad that i left her in bradford yesterday at 10 30
went home and got my vj kit and went to leeds after all the infest stuff to do a 12 hour gig at "back to mine"
that place fucking rocked
dirty electro and stuff
a bit of a change from idm
the strangest thing is that i fucking danced for the first time ever
like really danced and not like a spaz even
(ok i did about 5-6 pills but that didnt stop me)
i thinks im on a change as was said in the last post i think
and its for the best

my biggest thanks really should go to Dr Nicki for her understanding
and for just been their and far too many other words as well
well im should be going to work

Well to all how are my friends
im having a birthday doooooo
over a 2 day period
my birthdays on friday 1 september
first p[art to be held at "my house" in leeds
im vj-ing theirs as well
second part will be hold in huddersfield on the 2nd of september
time and place to be arranged by a common vote to suite most of the people
hope to see you all if possible

OH
In the great sceam of things
people dont even have time to reply to msn's

People just use this site for a moan at things

WORK

LIFE

FRIENDSHIPS

SLAGGING FRIENDS OFF

well everybody
thanks for keeping in touch
and seeing if im ok
"A FUCKING BIG THANKS"
as from 1 september 2006
their will be no more andy as you know him
time to kill off the soul
i'' possibly resurface 2007
if your lucky

i can go on holiday now
i going to iraq
im taking my bucket and spade/ m16a assult rifle

well doncaster was another chav fuelled night
i still cant grasp the problem with
football - drink and been an arsehole ?
twice the fuckers pulled the screen down
why ?
oh
why ?
i now ive stopped drinking
i see the world from a different veiw now
and it aint orange or rossy
i worked a drink problem out last week
here goes
1 70 cl bottle of vodka hold 26 or 28 shot
1 100 cl (litre) bottle holds 40 shots
and a pub shot is £2.00
and a club shot is £3.50
to those who now me
i used to finnish off 2 litres at a gig
so worked the maths out so on average i drink between 52 and 80 shots in a night
and the grand bill of
sat in pub £160
sat vj-ing in club £250 approx
i think thats where i spend £4000 between august and october last year

can some one shot me ???????